Thursday, January 26, 2012

As of Today aka My Last Words...


On Tuesday and Thursday mornings I drive my son to school – it’s a 45-minute drive one way.   And if you have a 10 year old, then you know that means it is generally 45 minutes of quiet time (unless he snores).  For me, it means I get to listen to meaningless entertaining DJ chatter on a local radio station.

This morning was no exception to our norm.  But one of the chatters was focused on what they would tweet if they were to die.  Apparently twitter has come up with a way for its’ clients to post a tweet pre death, that will be tweeted upon twitter being notified of your passing.  Hmmmm – anyway, the djs were discussing what they would say in 140 characters. 

It got me to thinking.  And mine is way more then 140 characters.  And probably a bit morbid.  But think about it, what a great gift to give those you leave behind.  Your last imparting words.  Mine would be along these lines:

I want my funeral to be a celebration of life – not necessarily mine but the one He gives us.  This would remind those in attendance to not mourn me as I’m up there partying down with my Savior – and  “no worries, I’m saving a place for you right next to me.” 

As of today, I would like Huckabee, Swayze and Stewart to play super cool, amazing songs like Jonah 33 “This is it” and that song that I can never remember the name of but has the line, “I will set you as a seal upon my heart, as a seal upon my arm”.  And it better be jammin’ – complete with band, and lot of jumping up and down!! 

As of today, I’d want a super cool slide show conveying my favorite moments in life – vacations with the family, race accomplishments, date nights with my hub and of course, those insane moments of camp life.  Please don’t forget to include the one of me covered in shaving cream (there should be a few dozen of those to choose from).

As of today, I’d want Freeman to share a message of joy, grace, mercy, compassion and living life without regrets.  All the things our God shows us daily and how we often forget to live them daily.  I know for me, I often had to ask for an extra dose of mercy from Him, and often fell short of living the way He’d want me too. 

As of today, I’d want my children to know that the best of my life began when my oldest was born, and that it was through her, that I realized my true character and strength.  I’d want them to know that I wasn’t the best mom.  That my God came first, my family was second and my ministry was third – even though, sometimes they didn’t feel that was the sequence.  I’d want them to know that even when I was playing the role of funsucker, that I enjoyed every moment I had with them, and cherished every conversation – no matter how painful or ugly – we had.  I would wan them to know that they need to chase their dreams, to live their lives with no regrets, but with respect and dignity.  And that I’m proud of them.  In all things.

As of today, I wouldn’t want my hub to dwell in deep sorrow although I suspect he well.  We have often spoken of what would happen if the other passed first – we both realize we will end up in a ball on the floor in the corner of a room with the ugly cry face glued on our face for a very long time.  I would want him to know that he was the best parts of me and that I really never knew of any greater earthly love then his.  I would want him to know that I never stopped believing in him, that it always made me smile at just the mere thought of him, and that God created Him just for me.  I would want him to know that I was always my most calm, peaceful, happiest when we were side by side. 

As of today, I would want our kiddos (youth) from Oklahoma, Georgia and Texas to know that they often get the better parts of me because God always managed to shine through me when I felt least adequate.  That it wasn’t me they saw, but instead it was Christ.  I would want them to know to that I would hope instead of mourning my passing, that they celebrate our reunion which will hopefully be a long time in coming.  That they have much work to do here on earth and that they need to get it done according to His desires instead of His. 

As of today, I would want my mom to know that while we had a difficult relationship for much of our life, that all the mistakes were forgiven and that I know she did her best.  To make sure she didn’t waste the rest of her life focusing on worrying about what other’s perceptions were but to live a more carefree, judgment free life. 

As of today, I’d want my nieces and nephews that I may not have been the most hands on aunt, I’m a pretty self absorbed person to be honest, but it didn’t mean I didn’t think of them each day and I always prayed for them.  And while prayer may not be much solace to them, it was the best I could do – after all, I live kindof far away.  As for my brother, and in-laws – I would hope they knew that I loved them all – sometimes more then others, some more then others (okay, do you really think I’m going to lose my sarcastic wit just because I bite it?).  Relationships are what they are – sometimes your not very good while in them – I would say my big regrets in life are that I never poured myself into these relationships more.  And that I know my focus was always on my relationship with Christ, Chris and my children first and foremost before any others. 

I am sure there is more that I would want people to know and I know I could probably condense this into 140 characters to fit my death tweet, but these are the thoughts that came flooding into my mind after the mindless chatter of the DJs this morning. 

Amazing what self-reflection one can have in 45 minutes. 

BTW, please only show good pictures of me in the slide show.  :)

So what would your last words be? 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

No Words

In life, there are times when words simply cannot express the true emotion one feels.  It is usually when you have overwhelming happiness (marriage, childbirth) or deep sorrow (death).  My father passed away 16 years ago - around Thanksgiving.

Since that time, I just haven't been able to embrace Thanksgiving with the huge meals, large family gatherings and all that it brings.  Instead, my little portion of the family made the best out of it that we could - usually late mornings in PJs, followed by back to back movies at the cinema and some really bad movie theater hot dogs.  But we truly loved that day and those weird traditions we were creating.

A few years ago, my mom decided we (my fam and the brother's fam) needed to come to her house for Thanksgiving.  And we did.  And it was awkward as we are very independent families that have very busy lives and well....awkward.  But fun.  I love my brother and MIL and the niece & nephew.  They are awesome!

This year, we had to head to Tulsa the weekend before Thanksgiving as one of our nephews was coming home from serving in Afghanistan (marines) and it was a very big deal (75 people at the airport - big deal).  But we were home by Thanksgiving day and went back to our typical low key movie based day.  And loved it.

Back to the point, it is because of the passing of my dad that holidays look different for me.  I suspect for anyone who has lost a parent or a child, holidays are hard/different/awkward/nonexistent.  I was thinking that I had made it through this year relatively Unscaved (sometimes I battle a deep depression around this time) until I checked my phone after my 6 mile run.

One of my "kids" (really, he's not a kid - he graduates from college this year) dad passed away this morning.   Not sure why, he just "simply didn't wake up".  It was one of those texts and messages (I also had a few voicemails) that makes you sit down and become silent.  You try to find words so when you "make the call" you are able to give comfort.  And you realize, you don't have any.

All the belief in God doesn't even give me words.  Comfort, yes.  But words, no.  All I could muster was "so sorry, 143, I've been there so we can talk".  Little solace for a breaking heart.

And all day, my heart has broken for my dear friend (who was once a camper, but is now more like a son). Funny, when you see this guy, one thinks of Goliath - no really.  Goliath.  Amazing how no matter what size you are, the passing of loved one can reduce you to that of a small child.

I pray for him.  I pray for him without ceasing today ( and will continue to for the days to come) because I know some of the thoughts that are going through his head, and I can imagine the others.  Because as the daughter, I didn't necessarily have to worry about "becoming the man" in the family and other "guy things".

This afternoon, we watching the Kona Ironman - an event that I am in awe of - and I cried through the whole thing.  Mostly because of the loss my friend is experiencing, and partly because of the awesome athletes and their desire to overcome the challenge.  One woman was running who had been battling cancer.  As she crossed the finish line, the announcer said "her family doesn't know how many christmas's they have left, but they certainly have this moment to celebrate".

I think it is important that we celebrate everyday, the time we have together.

It reminds me that during this holiday season, it is not about gifts, holiday parties, weight gain, and other silly nonsense, but that it is about love and those that are around you.  That you better appreciate the time you have with the ones you love, because nothing is guaranteed.

So while this year, I will still try to help Santa fill the list for my kids, I will hug them harder and longer and pray for them harder and longer then I have before.

Embrace and love the ones you have in your life.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Another Camp Season begins...


No, not camping season.  Camp Season.  You know, what I do for a living?  Some people call it playing and well,  so do I.  I heard once that if you want to do great at your job you should do something you love.  I love being an event coordinator for our conference.  I love our kids. I love our Servant Team and work crew.  I love our youth pastors and adult volunteers.  I love my boss, and his fam.  I love that I chase God and He allows me to do what I do for a living.  

With that said, it is still a job and my eye must be on the details.  Which is not where they should always be - they should always be looking upward towards Him.  But, we have a great team and should I miss something, someone else has already taken care of it.  That's because we work for God - and He puts together awesomely amazing teams.  

This weekend begins Tent Revival.  Our 2nd annual to be exact.  Last year it was a 24 hour period of non-stop worship, teaching and prayer.  This year, it is still 24 hours but with a lights out.  It is held in tents - from cooking, eating and worshipping to sleeping.  All tents.  Think Tent Village with God hanging out.  



These are taken before the arrival of students and youth workers begin. 


This is the quiet time.  Where we prepare our hearts for what God is going to do here this weekend. 



This is where we prepare our minds to witness the glory of a community of believers who will come together to honor Him with their entire beings for 24 hours.  Make no doubt, there will be singing, dancing and praying.  And a lot of all three. 




And hopefully at the end of it all, He will look down and whisper in our ears, "Job well done, good and faithful servants".  

Because at the end of the day, that is really what matters.

Have I mentioned how I love my job? 

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Another School Year

Here we are at the beginning of another school year and we have begun quite a new journey.




Michaleh is a senior this year! Wow, it’s hard to believe that time goes by so quickly. She is trying to figure out what to do with herself next year – weighing the debate of college vs trade school vs winging it. She’s working hard at her new job (and passing on the perk of discounted groceries to her very poor parents) and trying to enjoy her senior year.

Joshua has enrolled in a new school in another town that’s 45 miles away. It’s a drive and a hefty payment which not only requires financial sacrifice on our part, but a lot of time commitment and faith. He attends a university model private Christian school which engages the parents in co-teaching. Basically, he goes to class on Tuesdays and Thursdays from early morning to late afternoon and then I co-teach in a homeschool setting at our house the other three days a week. We are into week 2 of this system, and so far, no one has died. Or been threatened. So I think we are okay.

But we love the school that he is at – just yesterday, I used the Bible to teach Social Studies! How cool is that? And he loves it as well – he puts in prayer requests during class, really likes his teachers and is full of information the whole 45 minute drive home (maybe the starbux frappucino helps a little).





We have also been preparing for the oldest to get married in October. A small, family affair hosted by family, catered by family, cleaned up by family! But it will be perfect for what she desires and that is what matters. Weddings can be insanely stressful and we’ve encouraged her more then once to elope – which she has said NO to. But I do understand that little girl fantasy of wedding and so off we will go in October – hopefully no Bridezilla there.




Chris and I have begun marathon training and we have reached the double digits – which means that usually one of is sore – somewhere, in some way. Juggling kids schedules and training schedules can cause an OCD type personality to actually overload at some point! It’s been a lot of hard work, and we are excited to reach the finish line in November. It will be our last marathon as we really want to play more – Tough Mudder and Warrior Dash comes to mind!

And in between school, work, training for marathons and weddings, Chris and I remain faithful that we follow what God desires of us – chasing Him every breath we take and sometimes making a mess of it all. I am always excited to see what God is doing in the lives of our campers and youth that He blesses us with throughout the years, and I’m even more excited about the upcoming retreat season – watching Him grow and develop new leaders at each one is always a wonderful gift.



We are truly blessed – even during these hard times. We are blessed because we are loved much by God and friends. After all, who wouldn’t love us… we are Freakishly Amazing!



Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Summer Camp Ends


Summer Camp Season is over and once again, even though I end it with a sense of exhaustion, I am renewed, replenished and reaffirmed that Chris and I have obediently answered His call to ministry. Camp season is always exhausting, constantly pushing my out of my comfort zone and relying on His grace, mercy and strength to bring Him in new and exciting ways to our campers. This year, we grew in size (again). I am not foolish enough to believe that any of that growth has to do with me, but I am aware that it has to do with all those in our ministry teams that constantly strive to keep camp focus on Him, relying on His vision instead of our own.

This year, we reached record numbers at our camps, meaning that we also saw record number of first time acceptance of Christ, reaffirmations of decisions and calls into ministry. None of this happens unless the Holy Spirit is allowed to flow freely throughout the camps. I am truly blessed to be in ministry with a God seeking man (my boss), supported by a God seeking man (Chris) and surrounded by God seeking people (Servant Team, youth leaders, friends). I recently had a conversation with Rev Ryan Barnett (brief, brief brief convo) and he mentioned his recent trip to Africa. I mentioned that Chris and I would jump at the chance to go to Africa and serve but didn't feel that God had opened those doors and paths for us. He pointed out that it was obvious that we were where we were supposed to be - evident by the abundant fruitfulness that was occurring in the ministry. What a great compliment and affirmation!

At the end of summer camps, we take our Servant Team (aka summer camp staffers) that have worked every camp (same set of youth, chosen through a lengthy application process) on a post retreat to celebrate and replenish before returning them to their homes. This year, we baptised Joshua at the post retreat.

It was a great ending of the camp season for us and a great beginning for a new journey. Rusty baptized him, one of the guys from our Servant Team prayed over him and Michaleh and I stood beside him. Dad looked on proudly (and a little overwhelmed). It marks the beginning of a new journey for our family as we have chosen to put Joshua in a private Christian school which is based on university teaching model. This means he'll go to school 2 days a week and I'll have to home school him the other 3 days. They give us the lesson plans and resources we need to help with the home teaching part.

It's a new journey which will involve sacrifice as it requires quite a financial investment, as well as drive time (the school is 45 minutes away), and the extra teaching time (should I mention, a stronger sense of structure & discipline will have to be implemented on my part?). But we have prayed over it and set some guidelines in our decision making - all which God fulfilled and showed us that this was the path He was laying out for us. I kept waiting for the doors to close on this opportunity for Joshua attending the school, but they just kept opening. Affirming that we were beginning a new journey.

A new journey began for me as well in June, when the conference brought me on full time (officially, as I've been working full time anyway). Again, affirming that we were being blessed for answering the God when He called. We begin a new journey as we pray about selling our house at the end of this school year (with Michaleh graduating in June) and moving into a smaller, simpler home in Marble Falls (no more commute for school, easier for Chris to upkeep while I'm away at camps, etc). And while we are not sure about some of our journey, and we certainly don't have exact clarity on what our future looks like, what we do know is that whenever we follow our Creator, we are always well taken care of. It might not be in lavish lodgings, or deluxe vacations, or new luxury cars - but we are well taken care of the way that God desires us to be; and that brings us peace and comfort (which in this world, are often hard to find). Wherever our Father Abba takes us, we have joy in knowing that we are on this adventure together!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Camp Season is right around the Corner

It's mid May and that means, I've basically had to finish up the prep for summer camps. One of our favorite camps is MYMission - not because it is my mission. Here's the official description: My Mission (Methodist Youth Mission) is a one-week, inner city mission camp sponsored by the SWTC Council on Youth Ministries.


My Mission Mixed 2011 is designed for Sr. and Jr. High students (entering 6th thru 12th grades) and will be at Travis Park UMC in San Antonio, TX, Friday at 6 PM until Tuesday at 12 PM. This will be a safe but "intense" week of homeless street experience, poverty simulation, and service in and around inner-city San Antonio. Students will gain an understanding of what it means to be homeless and to live in poverty. Jr. High students will have more of an introduction to inner city ministry and will be separated from Sr. High students during the day and during sleeping at night. Programming will be age-specific and well supervised.

We focus on service, not the hammer and nails kind of service, but the relational service - much the way Christ focused when He walked the earth. We reach as many homeless as possible, handing out 1000s of water bottles, 150 sandwiches each day, and sharing the love of Christ in simple conversations. We offer those that we meet on the streets our time, our non-judgement and our sincere friendship. Too often, we have to drag our students off the streets and back into the church where we sleep at night. This is a good thing.

We try to spend the week doing with less then our normal daily, all too comfort lives allow us too - often giving up some of our possessions, going without showers, and even "roof sleeping" (a fenced flat top roof atop the church, in which we stay, where we sleep for a night). We roof sleep so we understand that sleep on the streets is not easy - we are able to smell and hear all the sounds that downtown San Antonio has to offer. And it impacts our lives. The next morning we are more kind and more gentle to all those that we meet.

We want the homeless to experience the true grace and love that Christ holds for them, and we try our hardest to share just a piece of that. We often leave MYMission, feeling inadequate and asking if we could have done more. We always leave with knowing that we will forever be changed by the people that we have met and we know that we will never be able to go under a downtown bridge without looking for a familiar face (one that we've met during our days on the streets).

If you would like to help, we will be putting together 100s of homeless bags to hand out. To get more information on how you and your church can help, simply click here: http://www.reachingyouth.org/f/My_Mission_Hand_Out_Bags_Poster.pdf

I have been saying it a lot lately, and I'll say it one more time, I am blessed to be able to chase God's heart, and share Him with students all while calling it a job and getting paid to boot.

W

Monday, May 16, 2011

Get Away



Sometimes a couple just needs to get a way - and this past weekend, we did just that. Our 22nd anniversary is literally around the corner and Chris had a huge high school event scheduled this past weekend. At the last minute, we decided we'd go to the reunion, and make it an anniversary celebration as well. What fun we had. From surprising people (who thought we weren't coming), to making new friends, to seeing the oldest daughter and our beloved grand-daughter to overcrowded flights, and lost vehicles in the parking lot!



I once thought we'd never go anywhere without the kids because I always thought it was such a selfish thing when parents would "abandon" their kidlets to go have adult time. Now, I totally am wiser and totally understand the value of such a time. We knew that with my camp season getting ready to start, that we'd have little to no time at all for the rest of the summer and knew we needed to take advantage of it.



So we flew into the spousal units hometown under the darkness of night (seriously, it was late) and stranded ourselves at a hotel for the weekend, having to rely on friends for transportation or take advantage of the laziness that lack of transportation affords one. We I got my training runs each and every day, and managed to eat relatively cleanly for having to have every meal at a restaurant; however, I think the chefs and waiters were glad I left!



I encourage you to take advantage of a quiet weekend with your spouse - you'll feel renewed and re-energized!